future

The computer in my brain keeps me from feeling.
The microchip in my heart keeps me from loving.
It's a wonderful feeling, being ground into gold.
I am worth more than what I was born to be.

They are in charge, and I am proud to be,
another lifeless soul that they control.
If I malfunction then my days are truly over.
Please restore me if you can ever spare the time.

The modem deep within lets me function.
The database from where they work,
it makes me ill.
My hard drive cannot last forever
and I wonder when it comes...
will my glory only last until I explode?

Innocence

Without a trace of evidence, without memory, I'll drive away.
Forgetting everything, I'll get down with history.
Endings aren't happy, life can't end with you holding on like this. I'll toss and turn in my grave forever because of you. I'll never sleep. I'll never rest.
Surrender yourself.
Surrender hope.
Just for me, just for them.
Just to breathe.

Thankyou for the long talks that helped me realize my true self. The girl beyond the skin, the person within the shell. I can't forget you. Thankyou for the times you smacked my face, telling me you loved me, yelling the words I wanted to hear. It didn't matter in what context...as long as it was said. Thankyou for the feeling of heartbeats along my spine, your breathing pattern matching mine. It's all about the rhythm of how we make love. Bodies in perfect balances, symmetrical and stained with sweat. Stained with reminders of yesterday.
It almost hurts to remember how we fit together,
just like puzzle pieces.
And they're falling into place.

One more word, one more time. Tell me what the point of this mystery is. This affair of masques and ball gowns. As I rip away the silk and cotton, I see you staring hopelessly. I can deal with this. I can end this perfectly, as you ended me the night before.
Permanent scars on my soul.
Never leaving me be. Never.

"Will you stop and see me later on?"
The eyes of the charmed are seducing, frightening.
They capture me so easily, barely trying.
"I can't," I cough and look away.
"Well you should. I have nothing better to do, you may as well come over and make love to me. I know you don't have anything better for yourself, huh?"
I shiver.
I shake.
I cry for a glimpse of the sun, but it's been days.
So I give up and take the hand that feeds me the lies.
The lies I willingly swallow back with no regret.

We head back into the forests and he consumes me like a snake would devour their prey. Slowly, gently, the venom enters me, sinking beneath my skin. I'm taken aback as the pain is suddenly noticeable, but soon enough the numb feeling takes over, causing a smile to spread across my lips. I'm absent minded in this dream. Barely there, accepting kisses from the demon who I hate so much. There was something in there, bewteen us. Warm and tingly. Passionate and fierce. My teeth chatter as he makes his way up my leg, so gone, so lost. I can see it already, my hair messing as he pushes me down into the dirt, my dress wrinkling as he lifts it over my shivering torso. Leggings ripping and stretching when he decides they need to get out of the way. I hate myself as he saves me, I bite his neck as he pushes me deeper in the ground. I wish he'd bury me when we're through, but that could be awhile. My eyes close tightly and I feel the stabbing pains, his pleasure, my sin. I cannot breathe, I cannot swim away in the sea of soil. As long as he's happy, as long as he's grinning after he's done.
"Come on baby, why so glum?"
He questions me, though the trim of my dress covers half my face. Like he cares about the upper portion. I can't answer, all I can do is lay there motionless. He seems angry, and the fire inside him blows up in an explosion of rage. "Cheer the fuck up, you're the one who got yourself into this..." He continues, harder, and the tears can't be held back any longer. They fall from my eyes slowly, and the ground absorbs them as they fall so silently. It's my fault...yes it is my fault. He gets his way every time, he can't lose. So to save myself from another threat with a knife, I let him fuck me instead.

The Family illness part 2

Shivers of pleasure run through him, waves of temptation flood inside him so quickly he is off again without reason, without full comprehension of what has taken place. The people of the city surround him, the screams of the women and children are so loud and distorted, just like the face of the monster. His face is a smile, demented and crazed. One big happy look of satisfaction.
All for nothing. All for something.
The feeling of never having to cry again. The feeling of the prison guards taking him down into isolation after yet another lashing out on his fellow inmates.
The blood is everywhere, his shirt is stained with the love of his family.
She lays in shambles, no longer able to tread water, as her legs are gone from the body. Removed. Torn away. Disgusting. That's what they think of him, that's what he's brought upon himself. He runs. He falls. He weeps. He regains his balance to recognize what he has done. What he has seen.
His baby girl huddled over her dead mother.
His eldest daughter in shreds.
- - - - - - - - - - - - ----- - - - - - -
- - - -- - - --- - - -- --
Complete. He is not complete now.
Not these days.
Rotting away behind thick bricks.
Unable to feel
Unable to touch
Everyday, another sloppy mess he calls a meal.
Throbbing pains shooting up and down his body.
Every day withstanding the brutal torture.
What he deserves. What he's earned.

open your eyes.

Part one of the family illness

This is a normal situation, and although we have all been completely devastated by the past few incidents, the show must go on. We can't stop here.
Your mother is dead. Your father is in prison.
Your sister was left dead in the alley.
Your brother is trapped in the old life he can't quite leave.
The family is broken.
This is how it all begins.

The clever little girl, she never quit. The seduction was the best part, but after seeing the brutal slaying of the innocent she quickly began to fade. Her smile, her eyes...every quality she possessed was no longer hers. The devil danced and took it all away. He poured the girl a glass of something strong to numb the pain. The way her mother's blood slowly drained from her dying body was heart wrenching. She thought she knew him well. But the monster stayed locked away for 10 long years. One whole lonely decade. If she could only clear her head...
She's comfortable in heaven, and he'll burn every day in hell.
The way her limbs went limp, the way he cleaned the knife bewteen his fingers and licked the blood from them. Dried stains of brown were splattered across the room as she sat for hours, crying for mummy. "mummy please wake up," The little girl in her cotton white dress rubbed her lips over her mothers cold face. "mummy please wake up."
"mummy please wake up!"

He ran down streets, dodging old faces and ignoring the neighbors looks of confusion. The blood on his hands and clothes were not easily hidden in the broad daylight. The cold steel behind the fabric of his pocket made him shiver. the excitement bubbled inside as he made his way through crowds searching for the next one. She had to be there somewhere, within the walls of a random building, bewteen the streets in a long black dress waiting for what she did not expect.
Lock him up. Lock him up. Lock him up.

He began to sense it. He could smell it. He could feel it.
It was swelling inside him, the beast within.
Begging to be released. Begging and pleading.
The soul left the body a long time ago.
The conscience was never really there...
It tried to get out. It tried to get out.
Then it was...out.

Slashing and ripping and tearing her skin. The brick walls surrounding them quickly turned bloody and gruesome. Pieces of flesh being torn from the body, every substance she held leaked onto the pavement. Her fundamental freedoms were not considered. He was no longer her father but her killer. The enemy once gave her such joy, such love. This was forgotten when the knife entered her warm surface which covered the bones what were now exposed from the cutting, the splitting, the gashing. Every laceration he put into her exposed more of her insides.
And he ran. He left her in bits after shredding every inch of her. But her eyes, they could still see, and the tears that came from them were not water, but blood.