He turned to me and stared for a moment. I wished the pause would end, the silence killed me. All I could do was watch my shoes, and trace the patterns with my eyes. He took a sip of his coffee, and I could hear him breathe heavily as he set his bevarage down on the table. Our eyes met, and the awkward silence decided to end.
"When do you leave?" I asked, nervously tapping my fingers. I only hoped he wouldn't notice the fear written all over my face.
"Soon," He replied, with a blank look in his eyes. "I guess I'm thinking, I don't want to leave anymore. I mean, why should I when I have such a good thing going here." I nodded and smiled, all I could ever do in his presence.
"I think I love her too much." He continued, and my heart sunk deeper than it had in awhile. I could feel my lungs struggling to get air, to just, breathe. My throat began to close up, as if I was having an allergic reaction to the fact that him and I, was not anything but a good friendship. An old love affair, and a new friendship. ninth grade never felt farther away. But he never felt so close to me, and so close to ripping my heart apart once again. and just after I had it repaired...
"Well if you really love her, then don't go. But don't complain to me when you realize that you missed the opportunity of a lifetime." I said firmly, crossing my arms. I glanced across the room to the front door of the shop, and noticed a girl flipping the sign. Closed. Finally, now I could release myself from his grasp.
"Well, I just don't think you get it..." He tried to spit out the words but I cut him off. "I don't get it?
You don't get it, okay? I can't explain it to you, I don't even want to explain it to you. You'll laugh, and it's stupid. I have to go home." I was on the verge of yelling, but my words choked me, and I could feel the tears streaming down my face. He was saying something, but it was all a blur behind my muffled sobs and squinty eyes. I could only run now. So I did. I ran like I never thought I could. I hadn't run like this since seventh grade in cross coutnry, and it felt so good to feel the cool air dry my tears of frustration. Anger had built it's way up in my system and it had to come out sometime...I guess I just didn't expect to let everything slip out in front of him. He had been with her for quite awhile, and why I couldn't accept the fact that he was in love was beyond me. I find that I take awhile to get over things, maybe it takes a couple months. But this, we are talking years. It's almost pathetic, some could say, but to me, it's just a fact of life.
I was hardly paying attention when I noticed him driving right beside me, the lame girl who was still running away form nothing. He rolled down the window and had a confused look on his face "What on earth was that about?" He asked as he pulled over to the side of the road. I sighed, and quietly whispered, " Well I guess you being in love reminded me of how crappy my relationship is." My teeth were grinding, and my legs were burning, and he was beautiful.
"Are you okay?" He asked as he got out of the vehicle and slowly walked towards me. " What did he do this time?"
I felt my soul curling up into a ball, trying to hide from what was in plain view. The words slowly fell out, "Well it just, I don't know he...I really don't want to talk about it. I guess I just snapped. I just think, you should go. Just go! Okay? Because if you don't and things don't work out with her, then what? What do you have left?"
"I guess I know what you're saying, but this isn't going to just end abruptly.."
"I get that!" I yelled, feeling his eyes all over me.
"No, you don't. Everything is going to be okay, you just need to be more optimistic. You're not the same." He looked at me with some sort of sincerity in his eyes.
"Well maybe you would know who I was if you didn't ignore me for 2 years."
That's when I saw it for the first time since it had ended. That pain in his eyes, that look he had when something wasn't right. I could almost feel his heartbeat in my chest, speeding up. I could see the sweat slowly forming on his forhead, and his blonde curls shook in the wind, almost looking cold in the cool breeze of a July night. I shoved him back against his car, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. His strong shoulders, they had really matured. He looked down at me and no words were needed. I knew what this was.
This, was goodbye.
