Blame yourself.

I prefer to see myself as a rather reasonable person.
Very rational. Quite balanced, level headed.
I always know the right thing to say at the perfect moment.
I've mastered the craft, handled the method, and threw it back to the one who started it all. You might say I'm a perfectionist but I'm hardly one to try. They look at me like I've accomplished something great, but I can't seem to lie, I've done nothing out of the ordinary. Let me assure you I come only to watch and listen. To absorb the information that they tell me like a sponge. I'm not present for any other reason. I'm not here to prove you wrong. I'm not here to debate our state of being, where we originate, or where we will end up. Just let me sit. Just let me soak. You won't regret your choices, the ones I slyly made you choose. You know, I truly despise this game of manipulation and backstabbing. I never intend to harm anyone but myself. However, my escapades can get out of control. It's merely lack of self discipline. It seems I need to work harder on that aspect of myself. I apologize in advance, since I have no warning signs on the road ahead. You can never be sure when the lashing out will begin.
How can I say sorry? How can I take a last glimpse into the eyes of such nothingness, and feel such strength behind me, and within me? I'm suddenly powered, fueled, with something never felt before. Never tasted before. As I clutch my stomach it simply takes charge, overpowering every thought that clouds my brain. I can only wish for a safe haven now, I'm hardly present within these limbs any longer.
Sands of time can flow away but it could never stop me, hold me back, restrain the monster that lurks beneath the smile.