I loved you first

I finally erased your number from my cell phone directory.
Not that it really makes a difference, even if it did make me smile inside. It still can't hide my frown outside.
I still can't think straight as you walk by.
My hands become shaky,
my mind becomes weak
my knees are jelly.
my heart is at it's breaking point.

I can't get over anything.
Every little thing I pick apart.
I sabotage myself.
I sabotage everything I have.
Everyone who cares the least bit about me I throw away, disregarding their feelings, their mind, their thoughts, their helplessness.
Compare them to something I no longer have,
throw them away when they can't quite smile like you do.
Can't quite speak like you do.
can't quite breathe like you do.
can't quite walk like you do.
can't quite love like you do.

Even if it really is good.
it's still not you.
it's still missing.

It's still empty.
You've ruined my capability to love.
To grow. To enjoy. To laugh. To smile.
To see you and not feel my heart break.

----


Walking across the way she meets him, her hair up and messy on her head, and he sits on his bike staring across at her, waiting for her. smiling and getting antsy. As she gets near he leans in and whispers something in her ear, and she grasps his shoulder as if what he said could make her dizzy. And they kiss. they kiss. they kiss. they melt into eachother. Undeniably in lust.