I wish I was dreaming.

And I guess this shouldn't have happened.
It should have never came along.
And awoke me so late at night.
Made me unable to close my eyes.
And it's not like I could have warned you.
Told you, don't leave.
I guess when I thought of you a couple of weeks ago, I should have done something more than to shrug it off and think I would see you at Christmas.

Because I won't.

I swear it was a dream, wasn't it?
I kept pinching myself, but the voice on the line was clearly real.
And clearly telling me it wasn't good.
I want to be dreaming.
When will I wake up?

I'm just going to sit here and wish for it to be normal again.
Nothing is normal in this life anymore.
A new tragedy every week.
Just what we don't deserve.
How do I say goodbye? I hadn't said hello in months.
But you just were always just around the corner.

Maybe I've learned not to hold off.
I'll miss you more than you could know.
And lastnight changed my life.

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Saturday morning was like the rest.
Except you. You speaking.
And me sitting in front of the screen almost terrified at the thought.
and lost in too much to think straight
to say the right words.
to say the right things.
Because I can't.

And you drive,
you drive me around.
with my seatbelt on backwards.
It's not even that romantic, and it never really was.
It's just..
I could say I miss those good old days but I'd be lying to myself.
I don't miss those days I just miss you.

But the person I miss doesn't exist anymore.

He's gone onto become someone new.
So I've moved onto someone new.
I hope you still think of me when you're old and graying.