california,.

This is where it all falls apart, onto the ground in a big pile of old bones. We want so badly to stay in the same place but our lives can't help but mold itself into something new, morphing, changing. The seasons change and we think we'll still remain. but we don't. As the leaves fall so does our skin. It doesn't matter who you are, it matters who you were. Who you were when I first laid eyes on you and who you were when you left me.
I'm sure it made you feel better.

Why did I depend on you? To call me, to talk to me, to smile at me in the hall. Did it make me feel like you really cared when I knew you didn't at all. You couldn't care about anything unless it's yourself. You couldn't help yourself. I was just as easy as the next victim, wasn't I? And I was helpless as the last. You just led me like a cow to the slaughter.
I was only going to wilt in the end. Die in the end.
That's what we all do in the end. IT's what we're born to do.
die.

It's too easy to say goodbye.
But you make it so hard
how do you do it? How did you always make me smile on the outside, because you made me cry on the inside. It's like magic I guess. The way I could fake it, and the way you made me believe. How was I so clueless?
But then again, maybe I wasn't. I wanted you so bad I didn't care if there was heartache in the end. But what does it matter now? It's been months. You dragged me on for months. You broke my heart a little more each month. Slowly tearing me to shreds, but still making me think somewhere in my mind that it's okay. That it will last, and eventually come without a price of pain.
It's okay to hurt for him.
No, it isn't okay.
don't let anyone say it is.
the pain didn't matter so long as I could feel the pleasure for a few moments.
Maybe it was for real. We were real.
Maybe we were progressing. Going somwhere.

Or maybe you were just fooling me, and watching me stumble and choke on my words.
Your lips were like a trigger and the words that come pouring out are the bullets that peirced me. Ripped me apart.


Those were some heavy bullets.